As a parent, do you understand the impact of the need for stuff?
March 11, 2008 by Jennifer
This week we’re focusing on commercialism, materialisms, and how that relates to kids and green living. If you need to catch up:
Raising Green Kids In A Commercial Culture
Eco-friendly Ways to Reward Kids
I know many families with homes beyond their needs. Not always necessarily above their needs but absolutely beyond. I’ve known couple friends (no kids yet) who buy homes with six bedrooms and four baths, who have three cars, and all the new gadgets you could want. One such couple I know will really lay into you if you’re not up on all the best new golf gear and redecorating yearly in order to get a fresh home.
I know people with kids who work two and three jobs. In some of these families, I know for a fact that one of the parents would rather be home with the kids, but they’ll say they can’t afford it. When I bring up the things they could drop in order to afford it; the extra car, the extra cable, the extra gardening equipment no one has time to use, the extra guest rooms and dinners out, they say that’s just normal stuff , that they can’t afford to stay home and we cycle argue over it.
These are families where kids are in before school care, after school care, and weekend activities. There’s a bare minimum of family time, no environmental family activities happening, and this isn’t because the family needs to work that extra job to put food on the table, it’s because they’re paying for extra stuff.
Are all families I know like this? No, I do know some families who make less, who have to work two jobs to afford necessities, but in many cases, I see families who could drop the stuff, and add more time. It’s a matter of priorities.
With all the commercialism and the drive to get more, more, more, out there, our kids are going to look to us as parents first and foremost when making decisions about the importance of stuff. I guarantee that if you’re already putting stuff ahead of time with your kids, they’re not going to understand why they shouldn’t want the extra gear and gadgets.
My first suggestion:
As eluded to above, the first and most important step in dealing with kids and commercialism is to make sure your own need for stuff is in check. If you don’t understand the impact buying stuff has on your life, the environment, and your family, you need to, or your arguments against stuff with your kids won’t go very far.
If you haven’t considered how stuff controls your life – how it zaps your time, I suggest you check out one or both of the following books from your local library:
Your Money or Your Life: This book is all about transforming your relationship with money, stuff, and time. It covers how all three interconnect, and pushes for a more authentic, more people based, less materialistic life. Not only does this book discuss the issue, but it gives you real, solid tools for making change.
The Circle of Simplicity: This book has a financial component but is extra heavy on the behind the scenes need for stuff. How to get rid of it, how to buy less, finding and living your passion, forming community groups that focus on togetherness, and clearing space, both in your mind and literally.
Since this is the most important step, we’ll leave it at this for now. In the next post, I’ll discuss how I actually talk to Cedar about stuff, and what I’ve seen work for me and other families.
In case you think I’m being unreasonable:
By the way, commercialism has been embedded in our skulls since birth in this country. I’m absolutely not trying to imply that I’m perfect and that other families are screwing up. It’s a process around my house too. I never thought, I mean really thought about the impact of stuff until maybe 10 years ago, and now, even for me, it can be hard to resist stuff at times (darn those old LPs and art supplies).
It’s about balance. I don’t believe in giving up everything we enjoy. Cedar and I own stuff, but we also don’t put stuff before our time together. If we did, there’s no way as a single mama, that I could afford to be at home with him, spending time with him. Additionally, some of our decisions around stuff have to do with the environment. Even if we can afford something, it’s important to note that it doesn’t mean we need, or even deeply want, that something. There are some choices we need to make if we care about the earth. Cedar and I make choices just like everyone else.
What choices are you currently making related to stuff? Are you happy with your choices? Or, do you wish your choices could be different?
Wow – I know a family that’s worse than the one you mentioned. Long story – but I too make comments about what they could give up but they define NEEDS differently than we do. We are not all the way there ourselves, but we’re working on it. We have been limiting our purchases and made some drastic changes. We are trying to use the “something in, something out” rule too. I have worked hard, too, to limit the time spent lurking in clearance areas, checking out cheap stuff we might some day need! I have come a long way and that free feeling is amazing. I have so much more time to spend w/my son! That feeling is what drives me to say things to others who seem stuck back where I was…thanks for the encouraging post! I’m glad you’re spreading the word!
You hit it, the idea of true need vs. want is something not many people understand. It’s not how we’ve been programmed by society. There is a prevalent the grass is always greener and beat the neighbor mentality going on in our country. It’s sad. I keep trying to figure out how to define need vs. want for these families that just don’t get it, but nothing I say matters. I think the key, it just getting it, something has to click.
“I guarantee that if you’re already putting stuff ahead of time with your kids, they’re not going to understand why they shouldn’t want the extra gear and gadgets.”
Absolutely true! The big “want” in our house is probably video games. I justify it by saying they can be educational, but we really overdo it.
Video games are likely the big want around here too. But Cedar wants games for the system at his dad’s not at my house. Luckily Ben (the ex) is pretty on board with eco and minimalist stuff, but I still think they could do with fewer games.
Cedar can get selfish about them, and he doesn’t act selfish about anything else, which says to me, games aren’t the best idea for him. Too tempting.